Numbers Matter

Ever since I started studying in a formal school, my favorite subject has always been Mathematics. It never changed. I thought for a while, I was just mimicking my classmates for choosing math as their favorite but apparently NO. I realized it on my 6th grade. Everyone hated Math as a subject, well, except for me. I love math even with equations, in fact, I love it even more with Algebra. It's quite out of the ordinary at my school that time for everyone else was failing the subject and I'm getting a perfect score or close to that. It's really unusual, it even made me become a nerd. Well, I'm labeled to be a nerd because of math and maybe that's the reason why I've had my pride on that subject. It even came to a point that, studying math was not one of my priorities for I know that I'd get a high score even top of the class score without studying the subject. Maybe this is the reason why it seemed like I don't care much about the subject but deep down, I still care. When my grades in Math sulk, it made me hurt a little. It even made me worse when I know I've studied well and won't have a good enough grade. A good enough grade is a grade that I expect to get for putting that much effort.

When I step into college, everything changed, I cried because of Math and even studied hard because of the same thing. I learned to aim a high score because of it and I already lost my pride in the subject. I'm not really good at studying. Thus, I practice Math with my hands, without practicing my hands, I know for sure, another failed exam or rather a low score exam was waiting for me. Well, it looked like my hands are something that memorizes all the formulas.

So, what should I feel when after studying so much and expecting a good enough score on the subject, I get something that isn't enough of my effort. Although, I kinda know the reason why it got that way, I still feel a little hurt. For this time around, I know, the subject is completely related to Math and a good pre-final grade have been invested in it. They say it's just a number and that passing is much more important but still it isn't enough and it's not just a number, it contains my effort. I felt that I lost in a battle but I actually didn't. It isn't normal I think but for someone like me, a little nerd in Math, the feeling is somewhat like that of being lost.