Courage Visit Me

What is bravery? A synonym for courage, boldness fearlessness, mettle, fortitude, or intrepidity. It is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. It is acting in spite of fear. (Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courage)

My father used to teach me things to achieve bravery. He used to let me have the stirring wheel on a car when I was a kid and completely letting me take control of it. (This is with my mother's absence) He used to let me do things that involved conquering fear at some point. I would engage in martial arts, sports and other things. It would somehow require me to get hurt and I'd usually get some bruises after a fight or a practice. All through these things, my father would always accompany me and I used to think it was an act of bravery. I'd conquer something that would allow me to grow, to somehow be brave and face things.

Through the years, I learned that I'm actually immune of being hurt physically and I know how to protect myself. True enough, my father have prepared me for those kinds of things but there's something that completely got me off my track. I'm totally and insanely coward like Courage. I hate seeing the results. When things get complicated, I'd usually stand back, sit and wait. I would not meddle with things I'm not completely confident with. The confidence that my father have implanted in me and my mother have constantly reminded me of was completely gone. I'm not good at standing firm. If given a chance, I would not take side. When things don't go well, I'd just accept. I'm not good at risking things. Risking is the last things I would give.

Now, after receiving an announcement, an important announcement that is, I fear, I got nervous and at first, I got completely off track. Although, this is the thing I've been waiting for all this time, I fear the outcome. I wanted to get off and fly to the moon if it's the only thing it takes to be absent. I'm not completely prepared and I don't really know what should I do. But for now, I'm quite sure, I'll take a chance, I'll take this step forward, and make sense like how Courage would face his fear and would usually fight for his master's safety. I'll be brave for now. This moment, I'd make sure I won't just sit back and wait. I would see it for myself.

Numbers Matter

Ever since I started studying in a formal school, my favorite subject has always been Mathematics. It never changed. I thought for a while, I was just mimicking my classmates for choosing math as their favorite but apparently NO. I realized it on my 6th grade. Everyone hated Math as a subject, well, except for me. I love math even with equations, in fact, I love it even more with Algebra. It's quite out of the ordinary at my school that time for everyone else was failing the subject and I'm getting a perfect score or close to that. It's really unusual, it even made me become a nerd. Well, I'm labeled to be a nerd because of math and maybe that's the reason why I've had my pride on that subject. It even came to a point that, studying math was not one of my priorities for I know that I'd get a high score even top of the class score without studying the subject. Maybe this is the reason why it seemed like I don't care much about the subject but deep down, I still care. When my grades in Math sulk, it made me hurt a little. It even made me worse when I know I've studied well and won't have a good enough grade. A good enough grade is a grade that I expect to get for putting that much effort.

When I step into college, everything changed, I cried because of Math and even studied hard because of the same thing. I learned to aim a high score because of it and I already lost my pride in the subject. I'm not really good at studying. Thus, I practice Math with my hands, without practicing my hands, I know for sure, another failed exam or rather a low score exam was waiting for me. Well, it looked like my hands are something that memorizes all the formulas.

So, what should I feel when after studying so much and expecting a good enough score on the subject, I get something that isn't enough of my effort. Although, I kinda know the reason why it got that way, I still feel a little hurt. For this time around, I know, the subject is completely related to Math and a good pre-final grade have been invested in it. They say it's just a number and that passing is much more important but still it isn't enough and it's not just a number, it contains my effort. I felt that I lost in a battle but I actually didn't. It isn't normal I think but for someone like me, a little nerd in Math, the feeling is somewhat like that of being lost.

My Return

Writing has been my hobby for 8 years now. Well, it's quite awesome when people would get amazed at your stories or your poems or by simply knowing the fact that you, well, write. For my course in college, we're expected to write formal reports on lab that is, not fictional stories or poems. As I simply put it, not my interest at all. Well, at least there's writing in it a less dramatic and more straight to the point writing. No twist and turns simply straightforward. It is the way of life for a chemist, me. Sometimes, doing that way was better and would always give me a reality check. But I'd always return to this interest. Something that I assume would never leave this soul.

It's been 4 years since I last wrote in this blog and everything I wrote were all at the back of my notebook or included in my notes. Although plenty of things have changed, it's always good to be back. :)

Perspective Really Matters!!!

Weeks ago, I managed to read a blog containing a statement that, “Parallel Lines Do Intersect”. For many years since my sophomore year in high school, I believed that parallel lines never meet. But as I read my friend’s blog… I actually tried it and as what she said it really does intersect.

It happened weeks ago, as I travel my path to Laguna. I tried to get some sleep as I travel back home from a busy work at school. But sleep has never entered my dream world. As I wander looking outside the window, I thought of that blog. Do parallel lines really intersect???, this question hapen to pop in my empty mind. Now, I look at white broken lines on the road as I tavel the SLEX and they are actually parallel. As I see it, they were absolutely no chance for them to meet but as I change my view and leaned my head on the window (my mom told me to never do that, but recently I always do… hahaha), I see that those white lines intersects in my view. Though it may really be hard on my part to belive but they really do. Though they really bound to be apart in reality but PERSPECTIVE on how perople see things really could do miracles as what my eyes does. It lets the impossible happen.

It really makes a huge difference. Sophia was really right Parallel Lines REALLY Do Intersect by the concept of PERSPECTIVE.

new experience

The first time i entered college... my very first expression was... "wow... is this true??? dream school??? this is it... ill make it the best..." i really had the spirit, the spirit that i really wanted. but i don't really know what will happen after that though.

will i make some friends out of it?. will i give it my really best or will i survive? i really don't know. surely, "natatakot tlgah ako.." no friends, no family and no school that i know. i'm really off the track.

on the first week, i would be such a hypocrite if i would say, "i really had so much fun!!!" coz i really miss everyone else, got so much problems about myself, i even entered the scenery of a child wanting to go home and doesn't want to go to school. i was such a kid. but that time i really don't have anyone to talk to. i don't have a mom to secure me that no problem will ever happen, i don't have a dad who kisses me in the forehead every time he leaves to secure me that everything will be go as what you always wanted it and i don't have friends to tell my problems to. YES!!! it's such a different world and i should be ready to that, but i'm not. I'm really not. I don't know but behind my head was a thought that this is what i really wanted, i shouldn't give up.

MUNTIK na tlgah... It really came. The time i really wanted to just give up and accept the fact that i can't stay here. I'm in fact sure enough, what to do after the first semester. change school, be in laguna, stay at home and be with my family. I'm really sure, it's already a plan but i found something that changed every plan i have in mind. I found some friends who somewhat understand who i am. They even give me a company every time I'm alone, they think about me, and we share thoughts. Yes, i already have some friends to talk to now. I even had a friend who feels the same way i do. We really had a good time. We even crack in some jokes with each other, it's really a company. i'm really having a good time now, and i would be willing to finish it here.

i'm happy. hahah... i really love the atmosphere now. but i must also accept the truth that i can't see my old friends like yesterday. They're so busy, as well as i am but i won't ever forget them. They who made me survive a challenge i almost gave up. Miss them so much...

Alumi na kme...

"It's already done... yeah... the easy-easy life of high school as they say was already finished..."

hindi nga uon easy-easy ehhh... ampf... but it's fun... kea nga ayaw ku na umalis... gnito pla pg tpos na ang grad... kaaxar... lalo na pag naiisip mo na... ayan na ang college life at wala na ung mga ksama mo dte,.. wala na ung frendz and classmates na lge mo tntgnan at inaasahan... ahahah... i don't want to open up reality... ahahah... first tym na nramdaman ko uon... sobra tkot na tkot ako... pwede bng mging fourth year uyet??? hmpf... ndi na pwede uon... alm ku uon... we have to move on... to face new challenges... ampf... azar... bket kxe kelangan nmen humarap sa new challenges ng buhay ng magkkhiwalay... ampf tlgah... ahahah... i know it's for good din nman nmen ehhh... ahahah... yeah2... nakkaiyak, as they say... tma pla uon... kala ko jowk lng... sobrang tma pla...

Unknown Song

I Love you, three words I can’t seem to reveal
I don’t know but I’m afraid to let you go
Sorry, if I remained silent and alone
But I want to know your heart’s very tone

But do you know my heart kept bleeding inside
And I might give up on this rollercoaster ride
I kept asking myself so many questions
So many what ifs about us…

What if I told you this?
Will we be together?
Or you’ll be my enemy forever?
This and many more…

And do you know that everytime I see you I can’t breath!
‘Coz I love you and this kept me having this guilt
Guilt ‘coz I love you but kept on saying that I don’t
But why are you not telling me what you feel?

I wish I could hear what your heart is singing
I wish I could be with you now until the song’s ending
I wish the song would never have its end
So I could be with you now until the end…